FOREWARD
In response to a request I made for a book recommendation, in Reddit, I think, someone suggested a "small section" in Outlander by Diana Gabaldon. I found the section in her six hundred plus page book. It was a beautifully rendered depiction of love and sacrifice between a married couple. The request I made was for a story about "A strong man who surrenders with dignity to pain and/or sexual humiliation." I was looking for erotica and The Outlander is not erotica. But the segment of her book fit my criteria so admirably that I was moved to flesh out her story and create my own bit of erotica.
But this began something of a struggle for me. Jamie is both tortured and made love to. He is desperately tormented by the fact that he was aroused by the love making.I started out trying to describe the details of that, but bumped into difficulties from the get-go.First off, my main characters don't respond to love making, at least not in the scenes that are the focus of the stories. So I shifted his arousal to my standard - humiliation.Second, none of my people are tormented by their reactions. They accept them. When I discarded shame as a central motivator I was left with quite a different dynamic than what Gabaldon described.And I was left with an even better understanding of what I'm about in my fantasies. My first three books were recordings of fantasies. That is, meditations that aroused me.In the end An Enigma became that, but in reverse order, fiction before fantasy.
Readers might well decide that this story is not realistic. You'd probably be right. This is a fantasy, not a slice of life.
It also brought me nearer to dealing with the mystery of the connection between sexual arousal and surrender. I almost said "near to an understanding of," but no, I'm not anywhere close to understanding it. I'm just acknowledging the mystery.
I have taken some liberties with the action as depicted in Gabaldon's book besides elaborating on it.In particular, those who have read Outlander should be for warned that I have substituted a more conventional scene for imaginative and dramatic resolution of Jamie's dilemma.
In addition, I've taken the liberty of including one footnote to cover the whole story to acknowledge all quotes from Gabaldon's book, rather than subject the reader to the cognitive dissonance of finding footnote references peppered through a work of erotica. The quotes from Outlander are all at the beginning of this story. It took me a long time, a real struggle, to give up on the idea of including parts from the moving scene on pages 584 and 585, but I had to leave them out for this new story to gel. I owe Diana Gabaldon much thanks for providing the opportunity for me to understand my own weird fixation on surrender better.
Gabaldon, Diana, "The Outlander" (New York, Bantam, 1991) pp. 532
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This story begins with Jamie and Claire Fraser in a prison somewhere in Europe. Claire has been apprehended trying to free Jamie. The time is the eighteenth century. Jamie is awaiting execution the next morning and Randall, his captor, is threatening to have Claire executed as well, but he says to Jamie, "Unless you have a suggestion?"
" I have. You want me. " The cool Scottish voice was matter-of-fact. "Let the woman go, and ye can have me.Do what ye wish to me. I'll not struggle, though I'll allow you to bind me if ye think it needful.And I'll not speak of it, come tomorrow. But first you'll see the woman safe from the prison."
"You'll give me your word?"
Jamie's eyes were like blue matchflames in the parchment of his face. After a moment, he nodded slowly. "In return for yours."
"Done."
Claire and Jamie exchanged looks of love and resignation and she turned and left. Jamie's heart was full of relief that Claire was looking forward to life.
He knew already that he would not have to struggle to submit to whatever Randall had to offer. He was already in a state of profound peace, having finally accepted his impending death.
He turned to face Randall. He was about Jamie's height and build. Good looking, but with a sort of discordant cast to his expression that suggested that he wasn't happy in his skin. He was not a man Jamie could respect, but he was a man to whom Jamie would submit.
Randall returned his look with something like glee. "Now! Let me see you!" Randall grasped the hem of Jamie's loose shirt and pulled it up over his head."Yes!" He ran his hand through the hair on Jamie's chest. Then he sank to the floor and untied Jamie's shoes. He slipped them off and kissed his feet. Finally he loosened the tie that held up the breeches and slowly pulled them down, revealing Jamie's sex. "You're beautiful!" He kissed it and then pulled the clothing off all the way. He ran his hands up and down Jamie's legs, fondling him and moving up his torso. "I'm so sad that we will only have ten or twelve hours, even if we can avoid sleep."
Jamie endured these indignities by focusing on the image of Claire riding toward freedom and long life.
"Oh, oh! This is wonderful! First I need to soften you up. I need you to know who owns you. I'm going to chain you and whip you." Jamie was startled to feel some swelling in his genitals in response to Randall's words.And what had begun as a neutral state of being unclothed was giving way to an intensifying sense of nakedness before the other man. To his dismay he swelled further. He had never desired a man, and did not now, but there was no denying the beginnings of arousal. Randall produced two chains, about a foot long, with a leather manacle at one end and a hook at the other.
"Hold out your wrists."Jamie complied, not unwillingly. His breath became shallow and more rapid, and his thoughts more confused. After attaching the chains to Jamie's wrists Randall went behind him and stepped on a low stool, presumably made for this purpose, and attached the chains to hooks in the ceiling. Jamie's body betrayed him further with a full erection.
"Ah! Look at that! This is an unexpected delight.
Jamie felt intense humiliation at being on such display before another man, but he was never one for self deceit and he had to admit to himself that even the humiliation was arousing him further. In his mind he made an offering of his erection and his body seemed to turn to liquid.
Randall had fetched a short, six thong whip. To Jamie's further consternation, the sight of it caused him to want to make an offering of his whole body. "I want this," he thought.
"Spread your legs so I can get at the tender parts of your thighs." Jamie did so and his genitals hung heavy and free for Randall."I can't have you bleeding through your clothes in the morning, so this won't be as thorough as I would like."
The first blow came on his back. It was welcome pain. The next came on the inside of his thigh. The vicious sting raised a primitive physical impulse to close his legs for protection from the next blow, but he dug his feet into the floor so he stayed exposed. It came with pain and some needed release.
His arousal was such that his backside was aflame with craving to be struck, and Randall obliged. The tips of some thongs bit the skin of his scrotum. The pain was not so great, but the proximity to his testicles caused a surge of fear to course up his torso. Jamie was pushed toward ecstasy.
When Randall stopped, the pain of the marks on Jamie's body flowed together in a penumbra of throbbing heat, taking the focus off of the urgency of his now full erection fora few short moments.
Randall loosened the manacles and sat back in the chair, perusing Jamie's figure. Jamie, for his part, experienced an urgent need to drop his knees to the floor... to kneel before Randall, but it was not to be yet.
"Go over and kneel on the bed. Put your shoulders down and pull yourself apart in back so I can get at you more easily."Jamie did as he was told with gratitude, exposing himself as he had never been before. Randall spread oil around the crease between his buttocks and inside. The hands on Jamie's waist and the hard length of Randall sliding down between Jamie's buttocks caused his belly to contract and his erection to throb.The tip slipped into place and Randall began to press. "Alright. You can loose your hands. I crave the feeling of being caressed by you." Jamie braced himself on his forearms and pressed his forehead into the bed. He tried to prepare himself for the invasion, but could do little.
Randall gripped him more firmly and slowly pressed again and again. Jamie swelled from the sensation and humiliation. When Randall finally broke through the tight opening Jamie gasped at the perfect balance of pain and pleasure. Randall increased his rhythm, his breathing becoming labored and finally he achieved release. He lay panting on Jamie's back and then said, "Now I want to feel you spend yourself while I'm still inside you. Use your hand. But try to hold your hips still." Randall took some of his weight off of Jamie. Jamie grasped his own penis, which throbbed even more, as much from the further humiliation of doing this in Randall's presence as from the friction he was applying. The shame was electric. Jamie's breathing became labored, pressure gathered in the root of his belly and his seed shot out onto the bed. He collapsed and Randall slipped out.
When both had revived Randall motioned Jamie to stand. Then he pulled the coverlet from the bed and wiped both their bodies and threw the coverlet into the corner.
Randall looked reflectively at Jamie. He paused. "Go over in front of the chair and kneel. Let me bind your arms. Cross them behind you, like this." Randall pulled Jamie's forearms alongside each other. He pulled them tight, so that Jamie's chest was thrust out, and wrapped them wrist to elbow. He stepped back and surveyed his work and then returned to the chair in front of Jamie.
Jamie's helplessness andhumiliation caused the beginnings of arousal again. It came to him that he had not thought about the need to protect Claire for some time. The only thing in his consciousness besides pain and arousal was surrender. The muscles in his pelvis contracted several times. His burgeoning erection shifted, to Randall's appreciation.
"So.... I'm going to kill you tomorrow." He paused. "Let's think a bit about that, yes?I wish I could use a knife instead of the gallows. I'd like to plunge a knife into you over and over." Jamie was enthralled, not so much by the idea of his own annihilation, but by the absolute power Randall held over him.
"But we can have a little blood, can't we? Not so much that it will show through your shirt in the morning, though." Randall drew his dagger from his belt and reached out to touch Jamie's chest with the tip. It was very sharp, and he was able to trace a thin line across the width of it. Jamie closed his eyes and focused on his sex, where the swelling kept pace with the path of the knife. Small beads of blood rose up. Several broke into rivulets and ran down his torso. Randall rubbed his finger through them and licked the tip. Jamie welcomed the pain.
"Randall! Ho! What have you got here?" A man even taller than Jamie and Randall, and more muscular, entered the room.
"Aelred! I thought you were on reconnaissance!This is Jamie Fraser. He's given himself to me and promised silence in exchange for his wife's freedom. He's due for the gallows tomorrow."
"Well, it's a good thing no one else would think to look for you here."
Jamie thought that there was no room for further humiliation, but having another person see him on his knees, bound and naked before Randall,caused the heat of a blush to flow over his face and body. It was as it was at the beginning. Jamie's body became as liquid as he anticipated what was to transpire. His degradation was intensified by the inspection of an additional man.
Aelred sauntered over and leaned down to take Jamie's erection in a firm but friendly grip. His proximity was as arousing as his touch. Jamie's need surged. The muscles in his thighs and buttocks contracted involuntarily. A thrill ran up his erection. He disregarded any dignity he had left and tilted his hips rhythmically to try to precipitate release. But Aelred just chuckled and let him go. Jamie had begun to pant, but controlled himself at Randall's sharp "No! Not yet!
Aelred said, "I can't stay long because they know I'm back and are waiting for a report. But I could stay a little while. Will you share? I would happily whip and rape him."
"And I would happily watch! Yes, please have at it!"
Randall cut through the bonds holding his arms and surveyed him. Jamie was intensely aware of the pressure of each finger as Aelred slowly drew his hand through the hairs on Jamie's torso. Once again Jamie was asked to hold out his arms. This time he watched each wrist being wrapped in soft leather, welcoming the bondage. Aelred was given the same short six stranded whip. Jamie shut his eyes the better to share their focus on his hard, throbbing sex.
"Be careful, though, Aelred. Not so much blood that it will soak through his clothes in the morning. Aelred nodded and eyed Jamie's body, as if deciding where to strike first. This time Jamie knew that, while there would be much pain, it would not be unendurable, and he felt himself rise to participate in the experience.After Randall struck the first blow on his back, the burning pain paradoxically gave rise to a strong craving for the same pain on his chest and belly. And when that was satisfied, the untouched parts of his body below cried out for the lash. The craving was as powerful as the pain. When the thongs curled around one thigh the other was engulfed in need. It was the same for his buttocks.
But it was only when two of the thongs were applied with force to his stiffened cock that he was satiated, enveloped in burning pain. His gaze locked with Aelred's in silent thanks.
Next Aelred pulled Jamie's legs apart and whipped his already tortured thighs. While they were spread wide he struck his backside, once from each side.
"Randall, come and help. Pull him apart so I can ram into him." Randall stood in front of Jamie and reached around to pull his buttocks apart. He pressed against his captive so that Jamie could feel their erections lined up together through Randall's breeches. Aelred's legs were just enough longer than Jamie's that he was able to get good leverage. In spite of the penetration earlier, Aelred had to brutally push his way in. The pain was great, but it seemed to force even more blood into Jamie's erection.
When Aelred had spent himself he remained inside Jamie and said, "Let's see how far I can shoot him!" Jamie was mesmerized by the sight of the tanned alien fingers gripping his erection. They moved up and down the shaft quickly and then tantalizingly slowed down. Jamie savored the humiliation of having the strength of his arousal so clearly demonstrated to Randall and Aelred. He completed the display by panting loudly and letting forth a full throated cry when he was finally given release.
Aelred finally broke the silence. "Oh, dear. I can't leave him like this and rob you of your fun." He bent at the waist and took Jamie's flaccid penis in his mouth, and his testicles in his hand. He squeezed and sucked and bit and licked. Jamie accepted whatever Aelred willed and gave himself up to another cycle of arousal and surrender. Aelred trailed his fingers along Jamie's now engorged shaft. "There you are, Randall. Enjoy!"
When Aelred had departed Randall turned to fetch a bowl of scented oil. When he turned back his face showed what purported to be a kind smile. He went behind Jamie and began applying the oil to the various wounds on his back. But his touch was not clinical. He rubbed slowly, caressingly, with his whole palm. When he reached Jamie's buttocks and inner thighs his touch became more suggestive. This devastating intimacy made more of an impact on Jamie than the whip. Randall moved both hands around to Jamie's torso, where another involuntary clenching caused Randall to murmur in approval. The gentle squeezing, stroking and fondling of Jamie's sex provoked a much stronger response than seemed warranted. Jamie's consciousness was focused on his need for release. He arched his back to try to achieve a firmer pressure, but Randall pulled back just enough to keep the touch tantalizing.
Finally Randall released the manacles and watched Jamie apprciatively. "Just stand there. Let me look at you. You are beautiful. We have quite a few hours left. I'm just going to look at you for a while." The man's eyes, roaming over his naked body, were like caresses. "Go sit on the edge of the cot. I'll put on some more salve."
Jamie did as instructed and Randall sat down next to him, pressing against his side and thigh. With his left hand he gently smoothed more oil into Jamie's wounds. With his right he fondled Jamie's throbbing sex. He nuzzled Jamie's cheek and when he pushed his fingers between Jamie's thighs, Jamie shifted his hands behind him on the bed so that he could raise himself enough to let Randall insert them into him. The heel of Randall's hand pressed against his testicles. Jamie's breathing became slow and deep as the heel of Randall's hand pressed on his testicles. He gave himself up to the warm pleasure of being used.
"Let's take a little break. I want to think about what to do next. You can lie down on the bed. I'll sit over there and appreciate your beauty. Don't turn away. I think I can keep you aroused just by staring at you. Yes?"
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A day later, safe in the monastery, Claire had been soothing Jamie's wounds with an herbal salve. She asked him to turn on his back so she could attend to the cut on his chest and drew the sheet up to his waist. Jamie had been telling her honestly all the things that Randall had done to him, bathing in the wonder of her acceptance.
"Randall said we would take a rest. I was to lie on the cot, facing him or on my back. I couldn't lie on my back, so I faced him.He said he thought he could keep me stiff just by watching me. He was right.He was slouched in that chair.
"Finally the pain in my back and legs began to edge out the sense of total surrender I had been feeling for hours. It made room for thoughts of the gallows. I thought that I should feel guilt for having allowed myself to be aroused, but I couldn't find it. So I prayed silently. I told God that I didn't know if I had been sinning, but if I had to please forgive me, and I asked Him please, could I see Him in the morning. That gave me some peace.
"And then something happened that seemed to me to be really remarkable. Without my touching myself, I climaxed. It was short and mild and Randall could see that I had nothing more left. It was over. And just before I fell asleep you came back into my mind. The next thing I knew was when your men came and got me."Jamie's voice was low, almost a whisper.
"Oh, Jamie, I belong in your mind, just as you are in mine, and just as your body belongs inside mine. I don't know why your body chose life in the face of almost certain death, but we don't need to understand."
"I love you. I love you for telling me all of this. It makes me desire you so much!" She stood up from the bed and loosened the drawstring at her throat. She pulled the gathers loose and her nightgown slipped to the floor.
"Ah, Claire!" Jamie slipped his fingers through the dark curls and into the moist cleft. "Oh!"
Claire lifted the sheet and gave him a welcoming smile. "Just look at this!" She kissed the tip tenderly and stroked him. Jamie ran his hands over her curves, relishing the way her breasts and bottom and hips fit his hands. She slipped into bed and he turned and found her ready. They locked themselves in a deep kiss and his movements were not so much thrusts as being drawn into her. "Oh, Claire! Oh, Claire! Oh God! Oh, God!" He came and then stayed for many moments, embraced by Claire’s own climax.
AFTERWARD
Please let me know what you think (positive or negative) of this and my three other books, Twelve Maxbridge Street,Naked and The Recurrence, and Submission. All are available for free on Smashwords.com. Be sure to filter for "mainstream erotica." A review on Smashwords would also be greatly appreciated.
